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Mendeleev saw a table of chemical elements in a dream and woke up
and thought:
- That's it, no more chemicals! I'm switching to vodka!
* * *
A drug addict is racing on a motorcycle. A traffic cop stops him on the side of the road.
The drug addict stops,
the traffic cop comes up to him and salutes:
- Sergeant Major Sidorchuk.
The drug addict pats him on the shoulder:
- WELL DONE!!!
And with terrible speed it rushes further.
* * *
Two drug addicts are riding in an elevator, a businessman comes in to see them. Unexpectedly
the elevator gets stuck between floors.
The merchant begins to fuss, call for help, press buttons,
and drug addicts don't care, they just stand there,
They hang out, not fussing. Then the businessman turns sharply to them
and says:
- We will be saved if we shout together.
Drug addicts, holding hands, sing:
- ...together, together...
* * *
A junkie comes to visit his girlfriend after shooting up. He opens the door
future mother-in-law,
who takes him to the room, and goes into the kitchen herself. And then he
I had to take a shit.
Seeing no other way out, he takes a shit near the dog lying next to the chair.
A few minutes later the mother-in-law comes into the room and, wrinkling her nose, asks:
- Oh! My God, what stinks so much?
To which the future son-in-law, with smart, kind, responsive eyes, says:
- This little dog did not behave well.
After remaining silent for a few seconds, the mother-in-law replied:
- But it's plush!
* * *
Once a wolf found a whole field of grass. He prepared some for himself to smoke,
took a sip. He sits and dreams:
- Once I mow the whole field, I'll be able to smoke all winter.
But he doesn't feel like mowing anything, and he doesn't have a scythe. He lies there and thinks that
to do. Suddenly he sees a hedgehog running.
- Hedgehog, come here, try it. (gives him a smoke). How do you like it?
- Cool...
- Listen. Let's mow this field, I'll give you a mountain of the same.
- Coming.
The hedgehog got a scythe from somewhere and started mowing. And the wolf sits further
smokes. The roof goes further and suddenly the wolf thinks:
- Why should I give my grass to this prickly one? No, no.
this will happen.
The wolf takes a club, approaches the hedgehog and hits him on the head. He falls
hedgehog. A minute later he got up and started mowing again.
rushed. The wolf hit him again, smashing on the head. The hedgehog fell, a minute later
he got up and started mowing again.
But the wolf doesn't want to share. And again, with all his might, he hits the hedgehog with a bang,
bang, bang on the head. Lay there for about 5 minutes
the hedgehog didn't move. But suddenly he moved slightly and began to rise.
He takes hold of the braid with trembling hands and
speaks:
- It’s so flattening, but you need to mow it.
* * *
[1]
[2]
[3]
[4]
[5]
[6]
[7]
[8]
[9]
[10]
[eleven]
[12]
[13]
[14]
[15]
[16]
[17]
[18]
[19]
[20]
[21]
[22]
[23]
[24]
[25]
[26]
[27]
[28]
[29]
[thirty]
[31]
[32]
[33]
[34]
[35]
[36]
[37]
[38]
Total: 186
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