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Our president argued with the American one about whose people live better.
We agreed to ask 3 questions each.
He flies to America, approaches a man, and asks:
- How much do you get paid?
- 5000 dollars.
- How do you spend your free time?
- I go to the cinema, the theatre, I swim, I sunbathe.
- Do you have a car?
- Certainly!!!
The American president arrives in Russia. And our president in advance
talked a drug addict into it -
That guy over there will come up to you and start asking questions, and I will
standing around the corner,
and as soon as you hear that I cough (cough-cough) immediately exaggerate.
The American president approaches a drug addict.
- How much do you get? - $500. (Cough-cough) Per day.
- How do you spend your free time?
- I drink, smoke, shoot up, f#ck women. (Cough-Cough-Cough-Cough-Cough!) And men too.
- Do you have a car?
- What a f#ck of a car. (Cough-Cough-Cough-Cough!). I fly on a plane.
* * *
A cop is walking home from work, all out of sorts, there's chaos in the city: overnight
7 murders, 18 car thefts, 14 rapes, etc. In a word
failure, no life. He goes and sees a drug addict smoking joints on a bench,
The cop pulls out the fool and bam - he's got the drug addict down.
The drug addict opens his eyes - in heaven with a joint in his hand. "Oh, damn, that's funny,"
- he thinks. Then God comes up to him and asks:
- What's that in your hand?
- Joint, do you want to take a drag?
God took it, smoked it and said to the drug addict:
- Good crap, let's do it this way: I'll bring you back, but you
You will send me a kilogram of this grass every month.
The drug addict, of course, agreed. The next day the cop goes home with
work, crime situation in
the city has become even more complicated, the person does not know what, in general,
to do... and sees the same one sitting on the same bench
drug addict and smoking a joint again. "Hell," the cop thinks, "it's time to quit."
from work." He approaches the drug addict and says:
- Yes, I fucking shot you yesterday, how did you
ended up here again?
- I came to an agreement with the "boss", and he brought me back.
- Listen, could you talk to him so that he would bring me back?
three years ago, then my whole life
would have turned out differently. I wouldn't have been a cop, I wouldn't have ruined my health like that,
I'd like to start a business...
- Who the hell knows, I can try, but I need 2 kg myself.
the best grass.
The cop immediately ran to get the herbs. He brought 2 kg and gave it to me
drug addict, pulls out a gun and -
bam, he put the drug addict down for the second time. The drug addict opens his eyes - he's in heaven. "Wow,
Damn, that's funny, he thinks, I'm lucky
and the second time." I met God, they sat on the lawn, smoked a joint,
one, two, three, talked about this and that.
God:
- Listen, dude, we agreed that you would
send me weed instead of coming with it yourself.
- Well, "chief", you see, the thing is that there was one cop, you know,
the same one who sent me here the first time,
sent me here a second time, but with a request. He asks you,
so that you could help him, take him back three years,
then he would become a different person, a good person.
- Oh, these mortals! Okay, I'll fulfill his request. Right there,
There is a bell tower in the woods, ring the bell three times,
your "friend" will return to three years ago. You go, and I'll roll a joint in the meantime.
So the drug addict went away, and God started to roll joints. He rolled one, then another,
the third... and the drug addict is not there for an hour, two, five.
Well, God thinks, "I'll go and see what's up with him." He collected the shoals and
went. He approaches the bell tower and sees: the drug addict is all
sweating with all his might, he keeps ringing and ringing the bell and shouting:
- I'LL SEND YOU TO THE DINOSAURS RIGHT NOW, YOU FAKE COP!!!
* * *
A drug addict is sitting there smoking weed, and another one is walking on the other side of the road.
Narc. The first one shouts:
- Bro, come here - let's smoke. Cool weed...
The second one started to cross the road, and a BelAZ knocked him down... his brains,
guts, bones scattered all over the asphalt... The first drug took a long drag
and says:
- Well, you're a failure.
* * *
A visitor comes to a restaurant, sits down at a table and calls the waiter.
- What is there to eat today?
The waiter, taking out the menu:
- One moment...
- Yes, well then I'll have two tubes.
* * *
A drug addict sits there, hammering his heel. He hit the road, smoked, and felt good.
Suddenly he sees aliens descending. Humanoids smoked the heel
together with a drug addict. They ask:
- And how long will it last?
Addict says:
- About 3 hours.
The humanoids took out their heel, smoked together with the drug addict, and asked:
- How, does it get you high?
He replies:
- Yeah, great.
Humanoids say:
- This is for you 89 years in advance.
* * *
[1]
[2]
[3]
[4]
[5]
[6]
[7]
[8]
[9]
[10]
[eleven]
[12]
[13]
[14]
[15]
[16]
[17]
[18]
[19]
[20]
[21]
[22]
[23]
[24]
[25]
[26]
[27]
[28]
[29]
[thirty]
[31]
[32]
[33]
[34]
[35]
[36]
[37]
[38]
Total: 186
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