cannabis fun club

caramel is twice as tasty if the schmal was cooked in it %)

The pot-smoking teacher sits in class, smoking...
Teacher (puffing, slowly):
- fish... swim... in schools... (took a drag)
- birds... fly... in flocks... (took a drag)
- people... walk... in shoals...
A little boy stands up:
- Marya Ivanna, my dad told me that people
they walk in crowds...
Teacher (taking a drag):
- your dad is a thug...

During the assault on the drug den, warrant officer Petrenko was brutally killed. Three days later, the warrant officer’s condition returned to normal.

Say "Wham!" to drugs.
Say "Pop" to drugs.
Take drugs to the circus.
Buy them apple juice.

Pick some roses for the drugs.
Give the drugs a sign.
Under the eternally pale moon
Say "Yes" to drugs!

Build a house for drugs.
Open the world to drugs.
Set the festive table for them.
Cut some cheese for the champagne.

Tie a scarf for drugs.
Let the drugs dance.
Tell drugs: "Here!"
Say "Right now" to drugs.

- And remember, Cinderella - exactly at 12 o'clock the magic will end! And then you'll get hungry...

A man is sitting at home watching TV. Then the doorbell rings, and there stands his neighbor, who is scheduled to be there, and says:
- I need to go away here and I need to keep an eye on the milk, just add herbs and stir it so it doesn’t boil over.
The neighbor agreed: The first time he went everything was fine, the second time too, he comes the third time, and there the cops write a report and say to the man so ingratiatingly:
-Well, have you got caught? Go ahead and write your testimony.
Well, the guy writes:
-I’m sitting at home, watching TV: I feel smoke coming from my neighbor, I take a couple of buckets of water, just in case there’s a fire, I come in and see: the cops are boiling milk.

A drug addict comes home with a bag of weed. Somehow I realized that it needed to be hidden. I shoved it under the carpet. How to check if they find it? It dawns on him: he comes to the door, knocks on himself, answers himself:
- Knock Knock!
- Who's there?
- Police! Do you have any marijuana?
- No!
- And under the carpet?
"So!" - the drug addict thinks, we need to hide it! I put it behind the closet - and the same situation:
- Knock Knock!
- Who's there?
- Police! Do you have any marijuana?
- No!
- And under the carpet?
- Nope!
- And behind the closet?
So!.. In general, the situation repeats itself over and over again.
- Knock Knock!
- Who's there?
- Police! Do you have any marijuana?
- No!
- And under the carpet?
- Nope!
- And behind the closet?
- Nope!
- And in the refrigerator?
- Nope!
- And under the sofa?
- Nope!
- Damn, where did I hide it?!

A drug addict, an alcoholic and a faggot are sitting in a cell. And they are tired of sitting there, they want to get out.
Then the drunkard says:
- Let's brew some aromatic chifirka, the guard will smell it, we'll twist him, take the keys and get out of here.
The drug addict answers:
- It’s unlikely that he has plenty of vodka in the wild, why would he need our chifir?
- Then I'll seduce him, he'll give us the keys himself - says the faggot.
- That won't work either, he has plenty of women at large, why does he need your ass - the drug addict answers.
- What do you suggest? - the drunk and the faggot ask the drug addict.
The drug addict takes some weed out of his pocket and says:
- Now guys, let's get high and ask for leave in a good way.

The gangsters drive up to the construction site, and a drug addict sits next to it in a state close to absolute zero. They ask:
- Hey, junkie, what the hell is going on here?
He, thoughtfully concentrating, says:
- O-o-o, wow...
- No, tell me specifically what will happen here?
- O-o-o, wow...
- Listen, don't be stupid! We really don't have nerves of steel, tell us how it is, what are they building?
- O-finally-storage!!!

Three stoned junkies are driving in a car. They stop at a traffic light and stand there for a long time. The light is flashing: red, green, yellow, red, green, yellow... The two sitting in the back seat ask the one driving:
- Vasek, why are we standing?
He answered them:
- I f#ck can't make it!!!

School. A new teacher enters the class:
- Hello, my name is Marihuana Gashishovna, and now answer me: how do birds fly?
All in unison: - In shoals!!! - joy appears on the students’ faces.
- How do the cars drive?
Everyone is simply indescribable delight shouting: - On wheels!!!
- What do cows eat in winter?
A squeal that turns into a howl: - Grass!!!!!!!
- Yes!? So here it is: birds - in flocks, cars - on the road, cows - hay, and my last name is Oblomova.

New nonsense - ctrl+v
Inserts...

I found out that I have
There is a huge family
Poppy and white powder
Hemp big bag
Vodka, draft beer
This is all my family
Everything in the world is rushing at me
I'm probably a drug addict....

- Monsieur Bonaparte! What will be the orders?
- War! First we'll take Spain and Italy!
- Great plan!
- And then Austria-Hungary!
- Great plan!
- And we still need to capture Holland!
- For what?
- Great plan!!!

A drug addict comes to school to replace his friend, the biology teacher.
Tom had to leave urgently, anyway it doesn't matter...
He sits down at the table in the classroom, opens the magazine, places the package on it and starts to nail it down.
During this interesting activity he asks the children: So, people, what is today’s topic?
Children, in chorus: Sawfish!
Narik: Well, okay...
He already had the joint ready, lit it up and said:
so the fish drank... (puffhhhh)
She lives in the northern sea... (pahhhh)
And at night it comes out onto dry land... (puffhhh) And saws trees...
(puff... cough-cough... throws the whistle out the window)
Well, okay, I'm off! And he heads for the door.
The kids are freaking out: Why is she cutting down trees?!
Narik, already on the threshold, joyfully: She's probably nuts!!

A guy is riding on a bus, stoned to the point of snot, with only one thought in his head: don't get caught!
A little girl standing nearby: Uncle, are you getting out?
The addict thinks: damn, they burned it! And it's freezing...
A minute later the girl again: so you're getting off at the next one?
Junkie cheating: fuck, definitely busted, fuck!!! And he's playing hard to get again...
The stop is coming soon, the girl can't stand it, she tugs the drug addict's sleeve: Uncle, uncle, come on, tell me - are you getting out?
Narik feverishly thinks about what to say and finally says:
So what difference does it make to you whether I go out or not?! The main thing is that you study well at school...

Ivan Tsarevich made the Princess who never laughed laugh...
And first he got a punch in the face, and then 7 years with confiscation.
Dad, why?!
For incitement to use.

Girls, do you drink dry wine?
Let's drink, go to sleep

Here is a story from life, the expulsion of a doctor I know:
"There were two guys sitting on a bench - one stoned, two more not stoned, and me..."

The junkie is standing in the entrance and nailing down a joint.
A spider descends from the ceiling on a nautina and asks: Dude, let me grab some?
Narik nails it down and gives it to the spider: here.
The spider grabbed some, gave the joint to the junkie and climbed back.
Narik looks - something's not going well, he needs to grab some more...
Nails down the second joint.
Spider again: Hey man, let me grab some more?
The junkie nails it, the spider grabs it, the junkie finishes his smoke.
Damn, he thinks he’s still not crazy...
Just as I start to nail down the third joint, the spider comes again: let me grab it!
Narik grabs the spider and shoves it into his heel, saying: you'll get something there...