cannabis fun club

Hemp Demonology

TALKER. A blind and deaf creature with a keen sense of smell and a long tail, like a tadpole. It lives in warm places, loves coziness and comfort. Usually sleeps in dark corners (for example, behind a radiator), but, as soon as it smells cannabis (or some other substances), it immediately wakes up and begins to move in the direction of the source of the smell.

The chatterbox is introduced through the anus, which causes the possessed person to immediately fidget in his chair or even jump up. After introduction, the chatterbox rises along the spine to the speech center and begins to excite it with its tail. As a result, the possessed person "drives a blizzard" (i.e., utters meaningless and inarticulate monologues), not listening to anyone and not noticing the reactions of those around him. Sometimes the "drive" is accompanied by playing musical instruments, absurd body movements and destructive actions (however, unintentional). It should be noted that with cannabis, the chatterbox's activity is not as unbridled and not as unpleasant to others as, for example, with alcohol or amphetamines. Sometimes, to deactivate the demon, it is enough to just call the possessed person by name and say to him, "Don't drive!" - and the chatterbox will immediately shrink. However, in some cases, more specific spells and procedures are required to counter the chatterbox.

The sign of the chatterbox is Gemini, patron - Mercury, element - air, color - motley. The chatterbox is friends with the PERSISTENT DEVILS and PROBLEMS, hostile to the SILENCE and the INNER PIG (the latter, in most cases, quickly suppresses the activity of the chatterbox).

BURKULOSIS. The only hemp demon that lives directly in hemp; looks like a hybrid of a hedgehog and a dachshund. The name of the demon comes from the Latin word tuberculosis, which, in turn, is the name of a well-known disease. Burkulosis starts in the grass when it is over-aged or stored incorrectly; when smoked, it is released in the bronchi and provokes a strong cough. In fact, this is the limit of its activity; but sometimes its consequences are extremely severe (suffocation, nausea, and even refusal to smoke grass!).

The main remedy for fighting burkulosis is water, through which the precious smoke is filtered. The water does not necessarily have to be holy, but it is desirable that it be cold. Some believe that grass affected by burkulosis is generally unsuitable for smoking. The opinion is generally sound, but on the other hand, it looks like capitulation to a demon, which, in itself, is far from powerful enough to be feared.

The sign of burkulosis is Cancer, patron - the Moon, element - water, color - red. This demon is friends with OBLOM and SCROOGE: they contribute to its origin, since they provoke over-maturity of grass and its improper (i.e. excessively long) storage. He has neutral relations with all other demons, but slightly conflicts with BOLTUNT, whom he sometimes prevents from realizing himself.

CATCHING UP. Two sisters or friends, anthropomorphic in appearance, very annoying. They live in the air and are constantly on the move, looking for users of psychoactive substances. Having found a suitable individual, they position themselves behind him and start their song. “It’s not rushing, it’s not rushing, it’s not rushing, it’s not rushing...” sings the catch-up standing behind the left shoulder; her voice is boring and disgusting. "We must catch up! We must catch up! We must catch up! We must catch up!" - the catch-up sings behind the right shoulder; her voice is convincing and persistent. If an individual succumbs to their persuasion, then he immediately “catch up”, i.e. takes an additional dose of a psychoactive substance. However, the chasers do not stop and continue to sing until the possessed person brings himself to a comatose state. Then they usually visit their client in the morning, trying to be there by the time they wake up. This time the left one sings: “How bad it is!”, and the right one: “We need to get better.” And the process of seduction is repeated again.

Catch-ups are not specifically cannabis evil spirits, but cannabis gives them a whole range of additional opportunities. Firstly, it does not lend itself to precise and unambiguous dosing, as a result of which the stoner does not have "his own dose", after taking which he can say to himself: "Enough!" and send the catch-ups far away. Secondly, the effect of cannabis is not so distinct and sometimes comes with a delay; and, thirdly, the process of its use itself is so sweet and pleasant that you want to repeat it again and again. As a result, catch-ups can frolic in the cannabis jungle as much as they want: here they always have grateful listeners.

The catch-ups themselves are dangerous only because they ruin our high and force us to make a stopover of good grass; but their main danger is that they gradually prepare the body of a Rastaman for the introduction of the most dangerous demon, the JUNK, who is sometimes called the "hemp Satan". There is an opinion that they are his daughters. Therefore, you should drive away the catch-ups as soon as you hear their voices; and may Jah help us in this noble cause!

The sign of the catch-up is Leo, the patron is the Sun, the element is fire, the colors are yellow (for the left) and orange (for the right). They are friends with all demons, with the exception of CHANGE and SCROOGE, who in some cases are able to neutralize them. It would also be worth adding that the best resonator for catch-up songs is an empty head; and that catch-ups are fundamentally omnivorous and, in the absence of cannabis, can persuade their client to take other substances.

ZAMOROCHKI. Rare birds in the hemp jungle. Their homeland is the harsh White Country, and they fly to us only for a while and, as a rule, do not stay long. There are many varieties of zamorochki, but, due to their low prevalence, we will devote one review article to them and limit ourselves to a description of the two most dangerous varieties.

If you look at the zamorochki more closely, you will notice that they are not actually birds, but tiny twelve-winged elves, differing in shape and color. They all act the same way: having chosen a suitable victim, they sit on its nose and rotate their wings. From this rotation, the nose moves like a weather vane, and along with it the head spins, and a restless movement arises in the whole organism, resulting in an uncontrollable desire for action. However, due to the fact that the zamorochki continues to rotate its wings and does not allow you to concentrate on anything, all actions caused by it are usually inconsistent, chaotic and even destructive. To use the energy of the zamorochki for useful things, you need enormous willpower.

In essence, the zamorochki are not very dangerous. Only some of their varieties are capable of harming a Rastaman, and even then not every time, but in individual cases. For example, one of the most common zamorochki - the so-called "poiskun" - only provokes us to a long search, during which we forget what we are looking for, and sometimes turn the entire apartment upside down (or, if there is no apartment, plough through all the contents of our pockets). Agree that there is no particular harm to expect from such actions. Much more malicious is the demon "rukosuy", which makes us stick our hands where they should not - in particular, try to repair complex electrical appliances, upgrade a computer or just aimlessly twirl various objects in our hands, which then fall and break. The author of this essay has suffered from the machinations of the rukosuy more than once, and therefore warns and advises not to succumb to his provocations.

The sign of the zamorochki is Sagittarius, patron - Jupiter, element - fire, color is different, depending on the nature of this or that variety. Zamorochki do not get along with most of the "hemp" demons, who, as a rule, do not tolerate their presence. Only the TALKER and the DUMB are favorable to them. The latter especially likes to interfere with the activities of the zamorochki, which is why it acquires a purely destructive character.

CHANGES. Microscopic flying creatures, reminiscent of a swarm of midges. They live in hair, as well as in the folds and seams of clothing; as a rule, the more hair and clothing a person has, the more changes he has. Hemp smoke smokes them out from there; they rise into the air and begin to multiply, buzzing disgustingly in the infrasound range. Many do not hear their buzzing; but in some particularly sensitive subjects it gives rise to so-called "changes", i.e. vague fears and obsessive bad thoughts about nothing in particular and about everything at once.

The harmfulness of the changes is that they break us and distract us from communicating with Jah. Some, however, believe that the changes help us in the fight against the CATCH-UP and the JUNKIE, but this is not so. The singing of the CATCH-UP is really not heard over the hum of the changes; but, frankly speaking, why do we need such a replacement? As for the JUNKIE, his hungry howl drowns out any changes. In addition, a swarm of changes usually attracts STREAMERS, and these demons represent a very serious danger to the Rastafarian organism. Therefore, it is necessary to get rid of the changes by thoroughly fumigating clothes with hemp smoke; and their buzzing should be drowned out by positive music and sincere conversations.

The sign of betrayals is Libra, patron is Venus, element is air, color is dirty gray. They are not friends with anyone, do not have their own consciousness, and only in a concentration of over 443,556 individuals per cubic meter do they acquire something like a collective mind. In this case, their hum catches even not very sensitive people, and sensitive ones are planted on a specific betrayal. That is why every Rastaman should at least ventilate the room from time to time, even if it is cold outside.

It should also be remembered that the changes are activated not only by hemp, but also by a number of other factors. Sometimes they constantly swarm around people who do not even smoke tobacco and even drink diluted tea. That is why they cannot be called specifically hemp evil spirits; although, on the other hand, it must be admitted that they can be extremely prolific with hemp.

MOLCHOK. A flat mollusk of disproportionately large weight. Lives in the same place as the TALKER, but, unlike him, it penetrates through the nose, causing the possessed person's head to tilt downwards. Having penetrated, the molchok fills the oral cavity and weighs down the tongue; as a result, the person loses the ability to speak, and sometimes even move. The molchok is not too dangerous and does not create any particular inconvenience; some Rastafarians even call it a "silent angel". Nevertheless, when too many molchoks appear in a certain place, it makes no sense to gather there for a joint smoke: after all, you can keep silent at home.

The sign of the silent one is Pisces, patrons are Jupiter and Neptune, element is water, color is white. The silent one has good neighborly relations with all demons, except for the chatterbox, but is especially close friends with the FAILURE, the DUMB and the INNER PIG, which provide him with easy penetration. In turn, he himself often serves as a conductor for CHANGES and PREVENTING DEVILS. Due to these circumstances, the silent one is classified as one of those creatures that usually "live in still waters". However, there is no point in expelling him, since there is always a danger that his place will be taken by the chatterbox. If you are attacked by the silent one - try not to withdraw into yourself, but listen carefully to what they say, sing, play and dance around you; and from time to time, react to the remarks of others with laughter, interjections or at least a light moo. In this case, the silence will gradually dissipate on its own.

OBLOM. A humanoid creature of indeterminate gender and age; has an earthy complexion and is constantly smiling. Lives in cluttered and untidy rooms, usually under upholstered furniture. Never comes out from under the sofa, because he is "too lazy". When the smell of marijuana spreads through the room, the oblom sticks his nose out for a short while, sniffs intently and says: "Good...". This is usually the limit of his activity.

In the places where Obloma lives, there is an atmosphere of drowsiness and apathy. The Rastafarians, where he has settled, wake up in the evening, fall asleep in the morning, and spend the rest of the time smoking weed, drinking tea, eating goodies, listening to music (the same) and lazily chatting (about the same thing). If one of them suddenly decides to do something (for example, change a tape, clean the apartment, get a job, save the world, etc.), then Obloma, without sticking his head out from under the couch, clearly says: "Obloma...". He speaks quietly, but very convincingly. With really good weed, his "wise advice" is heard by everyone present, with average quality weed - only the one he is addressing.

Few dare to contradict Oblom. Many mistake his voice for the voice of Jah; some call him "the angel of inaction." It must be admitted that the author of this essay did not avoid this mistake in his time. Oblom behaves quietly, does not do harm to anyone, and for this he enjoys universal love. His harmfulness becomes noticeable only after a fairly long time has passed, when you discover that entire months (or even years) of your life have disappeared somewhere, and there is absolutely nothing to remember about them.

The sign of the bummer is Capricorn, the ruler is Saturn, the element is earth, the color is purple. The bummer is completely indifferent to any evil spirits, including the BUZZERS and the TALKER, who calm down quite quickly in his presence. Only the BUZZER is unpleasant to him, but not so much that the bummer suddenly starts to drive him out of "his" apartment. Rather, the BUZZER will survive the bummer; and this happens all the time. In this case, the lazy demon either crawls under the baseboard, or moves to a new apartment, hiding among someone else's things.

It is recommended to start the fight against the burrow with wet cleaning of the room: it is afraid of water and a broom. However, the cleaning should be thorough and cover absolutely all corners and nooks: otherwise, the burrow will not go away, but will only hide for a while.

INNER PIG. A pig-like demon that lives in each of us from birth. Described in all classical demonologies, including the Christian one, where it is called the "demon of gluttony". Lives in the spleen; in the Rastafarian environment it is also called "pig", "pig" and "little pig".

The pig is extremely sensitive to the smell of cannabis. Usually, about an hour after smoking, it wakes up and says: "CRUN!" This sound causes the Rastaman to salivate heavily and obsessively think about food. If the Rastaman does not give in and does not rush to feed his inner pig, it again says: "CRUN!!" and begins to toss and turn restlessly. After this, the thought of food becomes manic, and the Rastaman begins to "rummage around for grub". After the third "CRUN!!!" he is no longer able to resist and greedily eats everything in large quantities until the pig is full and falls asleep. The Rastaman falls asleep with her. Even if he tries not to fall asleep, the heavy pig still drives him into a heavy half-asleep state, which is not interrupted by additional doses of cannabis.

Some consider feeding the inner pig an integral part of the cannabis ritual. In principle, this is quite acceptable if such rituals are not held often, and feeding does not open them, but ends them. Otherwise, the pig becomes impudent and gives its voice earlier and earlier, sometimes even immediately after smoking. Thus, it becomes the main character of the ritual, and the ritual itself completely loses its sacred meaning. Therefore, the one who feeds his pig before smoking and, subsequently, has the full moral right (and physical ability) not to react to its grunting acts wisely. The one who does not spoil his pig with pickles, but tells it: "Eat what is given!" also acts wisely. If the pig is not happy with stale bread or pearl barley porridge without butter, then its demands are unreasonable, and it is not as hungry as it may seem.

The sign of the pig is Taurus, patron - Venus, element - earth, color brown. The pig is friends with SILENCE, FAILURE and STUPID, does not like (and effectively banishes) TALKER and PROBLEMS, as well as CHEATS, and even STRUGGLE! Therefore, it can be very useful in some severe cases of possession by the mentioned demons, when all the tried spells and magical procedures turn out to be powerless.

SCROOGE. The demon is of Western origin, usually depicted as a classic skinny "bourgeois". Scrooge is not a specifically hemp demon. His homeland and abode is world Babylon; and he wanders into the hemp jungle only occasionally. Unfortunately, this demon is very evil, and any visit from him is a real disaster for the jungle.

A person possessed by a Scrooge becomes monstrously stingy and never shares his grass with his neighbors. Therefore, it is difficult for him to live in our jungle, where mutual assistance is one of the basic laws. He subconsciously strives to Babylon, where the grass of Jah is bought and sold like any other commodity. But in Babylon, such a person is of no use or interest to anyone; therefore, he remains in the jungle and begins to introduce Babylonian customs here. Because of such people, vast areas of forest perish every year, the surrounding areas become littered, and morals become generally corrupted. In addition, a year after the introduction, the Scrooge begins to bud, and his clones move into the Rastafarians who come into contact with the possessed one. As a result, Babylon wins a new area of ​​the jungle for itself, cutting it down with our own hands.

Scrooge's sign is Virgo, patron - Mercury, element - earth, color - blue. Scrooge is friends with the CHANGERS and the STREMBLE, but is especially closely associated with the JUNKIE. In some cases, the appearance of Scrooge means that the JUNKIE is already somewhere nearby or has even begun its penetration. For example, if a normal Rastafarian suddenly began to squeeze the grass and fall on his tails - it means that he will soon get high. Only the CATCH-UPS are hostile to Scrooge, but this manifests itself exclusively in those cases when the possessed smokes "his" grass. If the grass is "foreign", Scrooge calms down and does not interfere with the CATCH-UPS.

The fight against Scrooge must begin with yourself. It is useless to expel him from others: the infiltrated scrooge immediately forms in the possessed person complete moral deafness, bordering on sociopathy. It seems to the obsessed person that everyone around him is “cheating” and “using” him, and therefore any talk about mutual help and camaraderie causes him to have an inadequate reaction.

STREMAK. A winged monster that combines the features of predatory animals and poisonous insects. It lives in "scary" places, such as police stations, prisons, hospitals, dark alleys, etc. In addition, whole flocks of scarecrows fly after cars, angry dogs, cops and other scary characters.

The Stremak never attacks people - it is only interested in the CHANGES, which serve as its food. Having flown up to a person surrounded by a swarm of CHANGES, it devours them all, then defecates directly into the air and flies away. The Stremak's excrement has a gaseous consistency and a poisonous smell, causing a powerful release of adrenaline in the victim. As a result, the person is overcome by animal fear, he loses self-control and can do stupid things.

Almost every one of us has been attacked by a creep at least once in our lives - and everyone knows that smoking weed is not necessary for this. It is only necessary to have swarming CHANGES, which (as stated in the relevant article) are not clearly linked to cannabis. Therefore, to protect yourself from creep, it is important to keep your CHANGES to yourself and not let them swarm and multiply.

The sign of the Stremak is Scorpio, patrons are Mars and Pluto, element is water, color is black. Among demons, he is friends only with SCROOGE, and openly despises all the rest. It should be noted that the excrement of the Stremak is something like a drug: some people get hooked on their disgusting smell and begin to artificially cause a swarm of changes in order to attract this demon.

JUNKIE. A multi-legged worm with a huge mouth, sometimes called the "hemp Satan"; the most malicious of all demons. It is unknown where it lives and where it comes from; it is possible that, like the HEMP PIG, it lives in us from birth, but in some people it is inactive, while in others it develops and unfolds in full force. There is a hypothesis that the larva of the junkie is the "wannabe" - a rather unpleasant spiritual virus spread in preschool children's institutions, as well as through television advertising. According to this hypothesis, the wannabe eventually turns into an adult "wannabe", and under the influence of CATCH-UP supposedly mutates into a junkie. Another hypothesis recommends considering the junkie as the father of CATCH-UP: he supposedly sends out his daughters so that they prepare clients for his introduction. All these hypotheses have many justifications and refutations, and, undoubtedly, are good material for reflection on getting high; however, their scientific and practical value is highly questionable.

The life of a junkie from the moment of implantation has been studied and described much better than its origin. The implanted junkie attaches itself to a specific subtle organ, sometimes called the "soul", and from then on lives at the expense of the person into whom it has implanted itself. The junkie feeds on psychoactive substances, of which it usually prefers one, and accepts or does not accept all the others as substitutes. If a person respects his junkie and regularly feeds him his favorite substance, the junkie grows, gets fatter and gradually grows into the subtle organ to which it has attached itself. If the junkie is kept on a starvation diet, he begins to howl terribly and scratch the soul with his legs. As a result, the subject possessed by the junkie comes to an extremely deplorable state, called "withdrawal", "withdrawal" or "hangover".

It should be noted that cannabis is not a junkie's favorite food: it does not make him grow or gain weight. But a Rastafarian obsessed with a junkie has every chance of becoming a drug addict. At first, he smokes weed only to calm his demon, and then succumbs to its persuasion and moves on to taking heavier substances - most often opiates, amphetamines or alcohol. This can hardly be called the right approach to solving the junkie problem. On the contrary, with a purely cannabis diet (without alcohol and tobacco), the junkie is quite weak and has a weak hold on his soul, as a result of which it is quite easy to exterminate him. It is enough to not feed him for some time (from a month to six months), and he will die on his own. Let us emphasize that we are talking specifically about exterminating the junkie: while he is alive, it is impossible to drive him out.

The junkie is not associated with any sign of the Zodiac, has no patron, element or color. He is friendly to all demons, except for the BUMPER, who often prevents the rastaman from getting as much cannabis as is needed to feed the junkie. However, an adult junkie is stronger than the BUMPER and (as stated in the corresponding article) easily drives him under the baseboard.

TUPAC. A headless anthropomorph with two left arms and legs. Has no permanent place of residence, and therefore wanders around the world and pesters people in various inadequate states. Having met such a person, Tupac climbs onto the back of his neck and remains there until he is shaken off. By the way, the best way to eliminate Tupac is a sudden somersault over his head (which has been repeatedly tested by the author of this essay).

It has been noted that Tupac exists in two varieties, which are practically indistinguishable in appearance, but have significant differences in behavior. In particular, the so-called "Tupac Amaru", having secured itself on the back of the neck, begins to beat out some cheerful marching rhythm on the client's head, prompting him to move forward and take active actions. If the client has a CONCERN on his nose, then his actions are persistent, difficult to predict and a real joy for those around him. If there is no CONCERN, then the obsession with Tupac results in long aimless walks, during which you can sometimes get lost and, as the Rastafarians say, "find yourself an adventure on your ass."

Another type of Tupac - the so-called "Tupac frostbite" - does not hit the client, but gently strokes his head, causing certain processes to occur in it that seriously disrupt the coherence of thoughts, impair memory and slow down reaction. As a result, the possessed person becomes "frostbitten". This state is not stressful, and sometimes even pleasant, and some believe that it is the pinnacle of the cannabis high. Of course, this is not so; but if someone likes it, then there is no need to forcibly flip him over his head. "Frosted" Rastafarians are not dangerous to society and create some tension only if they are possessed by a TALKER or a DEVIL PEST.

Tupac's sign is Aries, patron is Mars, element (oddly enough) is fire, color is indefinite. He is friendly with all evil spirits and often contributes to their introduction. Tupac is very clingy and often does not leave the possessed even on release, but sits on his neck for many days in a row, and sometimes just wanders nearby and saddles at every convenient opportunity.

DEVILS ARE ANNOYING. Microscopic freaks that look like DJs. In principle, they are DJs, only very small ones; they are called "devils" because they are very stupid and pop. They themselves do not consider themselves devils, but cool and advanced musicians, or postmodern poets, or pop superstars - and therefore behave accordingly.

The devils hang out in the vicinity of televisions and radios. There they "replenish their record library" by recording "progressive music" and "crazy runs". Their discs are very small and are designed for only two or three seconds of sound; however, this is quite enough for the devils. The devil, having recorded three or four discs for himself, immediately goes on tour around our ears. Having climbed into the ear, he sets up the equipment and "arranges a disco" - that is, plays the same fragment several thousand times in a row, and sits at the control panel and "gets high on his own coolness". Sometimes he deliberately distorts the playback, turns on special effects or says various phrases into the microphone (usually obscene ones). The devil does not answer the question "What's playing?" because he rarely pays attention to such trifles.

The annoying devils can get into any ears, but they love stoned listeners the most. Perhaps this is due to the psychoacoustic properties of the herb Jah; or perhaps the devils are attracted to the relaxed and good-natured stoners who sit quietly and are in no hurry to shake them out of their ears. That is why stoners often have a devil in each ear and a dozen more devils milling around the ear, waiting for their turn.

The sign of annoying devils is Aquarius, patrons are Saturn and Uranus, element - air, colors are acid. They are very friendly with BOLTUNTs: if he crawls to their disco, they begin a real holiday. DUMP, BUMP and MOLCHOK often become their guides; CHANGES drown them out, and other evil spirits simply tolerate their presence, not reacting to it in any way. If devils are really annoying, they can be driven out with the help of concentrated and meaningful reading of the prayer "Our Father", repeated twelve times. By the way, the same prayer is effective in cases of obsession with CATCH-UP and CONCERN, irreplaceable when swarming CHANGES and when attacked by STREMAK, and is also useful in many other life situations. Therefore, allow me to cite its full Slavic text as an epilogue to this "Demonology":

Our Father,
Who art in heaven!
Hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come,
and thy will be done
like in heaven,
so on the ground too!
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we forgive our debtors,
and do not lead us into temptation,
but deliver us from evil!

Amen!

© Dmitry Gaiduk.

Comments:

puteec
03.05.2007
I really liked it! Super!

Mikhalych
04.05.2007
The pestering devils often visited me! Thanks for organizing!

curl
07.05.2007
I haven't smoked for a long time, really. Mental health issues made me do it. But this just really got me down, I wanted to remember those moments when one of those sitting in the kitchen was also saying something similar!!! Yes, there were times. But no-no. I'm not going to put forward anti-dubas slogans in any case, I consider dubas another way.....just a way....think for yourself

Never smoked
05/20/2007
Well, I read it and - BUM - I started laughing really hard. It's all very well written - the main thing is that it's sci-fi:))

arhangel
06/11/2007
I read it and remembered when grass was a treat. Now it's medicine for me!

John Nikto
21.06.2007
after 5 years of the marathon, I realized that the grass helps me to look differently at many things that happen around me, it helps to expand my consciousness and to perceive the crazy world around us more deeply and accurately. God's gift. Respect to Dima

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